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  • Writer's pictureBarbara Dametto

Transmuting Fear Into Love

Updated: 5 hours ago




When we experience deep pain in life, there is always an opportunity for growth. When life inevitably presents us with some kind of traumatic experience, the effects it has can change us forever. Initially, we may find ourselves in the throes of depression, fear, chaos, sadness, rage, confusion, and disbelief. Our whole world is turned upside down. There can be a tendency to get lost in the experience, the associated emotions, and the stories. We find ourselves in a constant trauma response attracting and resonating with more negativity- a vicious cycle that entraps us. 


Grief is a dance that never actually disappears. It’s always there, lurking under the surface ready to be reignited with each new difficult experience. When someone or something that we love beyond measure dies, we are never the same. There is always an emptiness inside- a place in our hearts that wells up with tenderness, catching us off guard with the simple mention of a name, a song, a smell - something familiar that reminds us of that which is gone. But the truth is that grief is love in disguise because beneath each awful experience, there is always love. The grief arises because of the love.


It's important to remember that there is always a silver lining to life's challenges- even if we don’t understand it. The soul has chosen to be in this body at this particular time to know itself- deeply and intimately. When we accept that life gives us what we need (not necessarily what we want), and stop asking “why”, we are onto something. Each soul is here to have its own unique experience. Soul consciousness (and its infinite wisdom) only wants what’s best for its unfoldment. There should be no shame associated with difficult experiences- good people have bad things happen, healthy people get sick, and saints and avatars are persecuted. Life doesn’t necessarily make sense and doesn’t always seem fair.


Last night as I was lying in bed thinking of a dear friend who is very sick. I had a visceral experience that I can only attribute to merging my consciousness with his. I felt his fear, his panic, his confusion and his pain. It overtook me and brought me directly to a similar experience that I had in the past. I then realized that succumbing to my fear would energetically strengthen his fear and that I had a duty (as a spiritual warrior) to transmute that negative energy into something positive. So, this morning I decided to take the grief into nature and give it to the wet grass, the running water, the scent of the lilac trees, and the bumble bees. It became apparent that if I could channel my distress (triggered by what I imagined my friends to be), I could help us both. So, I prayed to the Angel of Mercy to help me help my friend. It felt heavy and sticky. As the grief swelled, I surrendered more, invited some forest creatures to participate and help lighten the mood, moved my body, and breathed deeply. Within an hour, the dark emotions had passed and my heart was bursting with love and joy. I rolled on the wet grass, offered a dandelion to the air in gratitude and strolled back home. I knew that on some level, by doing the work of transmuting fear to love, that both my friend and I received a healing.


The key to dealing with life's challenges, is to not fight with them. It’s to open our hearts and transmute the pain into emotional strength and love. This aligns us with humanity because we are all ONE. Surrendering to “what is” and trusting life is a high-level spiritual practice. It’s the soul's way of experiencing itself as an emanation of the Divine. A friend once referred to her acceptance of breast cancer as “allowing her body to disintegrate into God.”

Now that’s profound.

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